how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
