I feel like abortions should bother me more
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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