she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
