i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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