I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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