I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
