i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
