Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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