THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
nutella sex= disaster
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
