her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
