Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
