I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
