I think my fart just growled at me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
