it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
