I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
