So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
