Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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