I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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