im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
