Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
