I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
