Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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