I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
