I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
