I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
