Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
