This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize