dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
