He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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