even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
