i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
