I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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