I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
