You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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