found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
