my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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