I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
