this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
