dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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