woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
