I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
