A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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