fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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