You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
