I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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