last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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