You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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