It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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