we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
