At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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