so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
